If you’ve been cheated on, here’s how to take care of yourself
Now that you’ve experienced the pain of betrayal personally, you have to understand how critical it is to put your physical and mental well-being first. Start by accepting that you’re worthy of healthy love, trust, and respect, whether you’ve recently discovered your partner’s infidelity or your instinct is telling you something is wrong. You are entitled to a sense of security. Here’s how to take care of yourself as you process and heal from your partner’s or ex’s infidelity.
After you’ve been deceived, how do you take care of yourself physically?
Infidelity might throw your emotions for a loop, but taking care of your body is just as crucial right now.
- Get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
Get checked for STIs as soon as possible. It’s critical to get tested early since some STIs might have long-term consequences for your health. If left untreated, chlamydia, for example, might make it difficult to conceive. There’s no need to wait; chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis all show up on test results shortly after exposure.
Most college campuses provide testing through your personal care physician, a neighborhood clinic, or Planned Parenthood. Discuss your experience with your doctor or testing provider, acknowledge that it was not your fault, and be proud of the fact that you’re in charge of your health.
- Food, hydration, sleep, hygiene, and exercise should all be prioritized
This sensation might be so upsetting that it may cause you to lose track of your everyday activities. Sleep, food, water, hygiene, exercise, and any medications you take on a daily basis are all important ways to nourish your body.
My therapist recommended that I focus on hydrating when I couldn’t keep food down and relying on a friend to remind me to eat each day in the days after I found out about my ex’s infidelity. She also recommended that I keep a hygiene journal to ensure that I shower and clean my teeth on days when I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Finally, I improved my sleep by taking melatonin and listening to free Insight Timer sleep meditation recordings.
After you’ve been deceived, how do you take care of yourself emotionally?
According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, “there are strong parallels between discovering/disclosing infidelity and grieving the death of a loved one.” “There’s shattering, and it’s irreversible.” Grieving is a long process, according to her, but there are techniques to make the memories and acute aches less painful.
- Discuss with a psychologist
It can be challenging to deal with these intense feelings on your own. A specialist can assist you in navigating this experience in a healthy manner. Ask your primary care physician for therapy referrals, or ask your friends if they have any contacts they’d be willing to share.
- Let go of your rage
It’s critical to manage your anger in a healthy way so you don’t make rash judgments. “Taking revenge in some way is a method for you to feel powerful while you’re weak.” Dr. Solomon elucidates. “Breathe and move with your anger to avoid being trapped by it.” A hasty decision will not alleviate these feelings; in fact, it will almost always result in a new set of problems.”
My therapist suggested that I let go of my anger through exercise (such as boxing, swimming, or jiu jitsu), safe destruction (such as shattering plates or fruit outside), ranting about how horrible my ex is in a safe environment, and sharing all furious thoughts with trustworthy friends. These techniques aided my recovery.
- Organize and control your troubling ideas
When dealing with infidelity, it’s very typical to have intrusive thoughts. Here are some coping techniques:
- Take your feelings carefully, but keep in mind that they aren’t facts. “Validate and normalize intrusive ideas,” Dr. Solomon advises, “but avoid the desire to try to make sense of their actions, particularly when that meaning-making becomes self-deprecating.” To put it another way, if you think your ex is cheating on you because you aren’t good enough, acknowledge your feelings but understand it isn’t the case. You’re just fine the way you are. This helped me refocus and reframe my thinking in a healthier way when I practiced it.
- Keep a journal with a pen and paper. Dr. Rossana Sida, a professional sex and relationship therapist, suggests writing down your thoughts rather than using a computer or phone to do it. “Breaking the habit of fast thinking by hand-writing repeated, obsessive thoughts will allow you to see one thought at a time.”
- Pay attention to your five senses. This, according to Dr. Solomon, can help you ground. Hug yourself for consolation, listen to upbeat music, burn a scented candle, bake or buy your favorite treat, or watch your favorite movie. “[Recognize] that was a terrible experience, and it won’t happen again.” “Remind yourself, ‘I am protected right now.'” Recognize the power you have and the ways you can stay safe.
- Make positive affirmations a habit. Begin a daily affirmation diary by writing down all of the things you’re grateful for and admire about yourself. In the mirror, you can even repeat those powerful, loving words to yourself.
- Be kind to yourself. “It is not necessary to be neutral in order to heal. “Just because it hurts when you think about infidelity doesn’t imply you’re unhealed,” Dr. Solomon explains. Things that are painful remain painful. We can carry them more effortlessly over time, and they don’t bother us as much.” Healing may take longer than anticipated, but that’s fine.
- Lean on those you care about
“Confide in one or two of your least judgmental and most trusted friends or family members,” Dr. Sida advises, noting that you “don’t need to be alone” in your suffering. Make it clear to them what kind of assistance you require.
It’s important to keep in touch with people who care about you sincerely, even if you don’t always feel like they’re saying the right thing. Is there an indication of recovery? If it appears like your buddies are always saying the appropriate things.
Dr. Solomon explains, “The zone of tolerance is our ability to be calm, connected, and perceive things from different angles.” “There is no tolerance zone when we are traumatized.” We become numb and furious with our loved ones, and we believe that no one says the appropriate thing.” With patience and deliberate acts of nutrition, you begin to reclaim your identity. The zone expands, and life becomes less painful.
Stay away from potential triggers
Simple things I used to do with my ex (like meal-prepping or visiting particular parts of town) gave me anxiety or tiredness after we broke up. It’s fine to change your regimen if you’re feeling similarly. “Avoid triggering places – making alternate choices isn’t avoidance, it’s a loving option,” says Dr. Solomon.
If you’re ready to return to those habitual activities in the long run, start carefully and gradually expose yourself to them again. But keep in mind that there’s no obligation to do anything unpleasant. “Never circumvent a series of triggers to show to yourself that they didn’t win,” Dr. Solomon advises.
Allow yourself some time
“Any healing process necessitates the passage of time.” Dr. Solomon elucidates. Post-traumatic growth is achievable with a lot of patience and intention.
I hope you’re nurturing your general health, feeling heard, and boldly understanding the power you have, no matter how long it’s been since you discovered the adultery. You are deserving of healthy, genuine love.
