Husband wonders if he’s making a mistake by refusing to adopt the child that his wife created through an affair
Cheating damages people’s lives, relationships, and lives. Today’s Reddit story is one of the oddest we’ve ever seen. It’s about a guy who posted a question on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) to see if he’s correct. His wife wanted him to adopt a child she had with another man while they were having an affair.
NotAdoptingHerBaby, a Reddit member, posed the following question:
“I (27M) used to have a wonderful relationship with the woman I love (26F). However, five years ago, she got drunk, had a one night stand, and got pregnant from it. Can’t be mine, I can’t have kids due to a horseback riding injury when I was a teen. Didnt get the guys name, no way to find him, so he’s out of the picture. My wife decided to keep it, and we almost went through a divorce, but couples therapy made us decide to try again. We’re still in therapy now, since I still have a hard time trusting her.”
“So, she had her son. We talked a lot about it, and I made it clear that I’m ok taking on a step-parent role, but I wasnt willing to fully be his dad. I wouldnt adopt him, but I would help raise him and get him off to college. My wife agreed to this, became a stay at home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents, and I’ve pretty much been the fun uncle like guy. I play with him, buy him games, try my best to not resent him (and I am in therapy for this), and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife’s parenting. He even calles me “Uncle,” instead of dad. He knows I’m not his father, and is just happy to play video games with me and chill.”
“Well, recently, my wife has started talking about me adopting him, something I’m not willing to do. I made it clear that if anything happened, he would go live with her parents, and I’d send child support. If they couldn’t take him, I wouldnt put him in foster care or anything, but I also wasnt willing to take on the responsibility of being his father when I’m not. I’m happy being an Uncle to another man’s kid, since thats what life threw at me.”
“This has greatly upset her, and she’s trying to find a way to force me into adopting him. She’s even been manipulating the poor kid, saying he should start calling me dad instead of uncle like he has his entire life, which is upsetting and confusing the poor boy. This situation has worked for the last 5 years, and I dont know why she’s trying to change something that isnt broken, or force me into a role I told her years ago I wasnt willing to accept, which she was fine with until just recently.”
He updated his post after receiving a lot of feedback from the Reddit community:
“Update – after reading everything, I told my wife I was leaving and pursuing that divorce. I think I’ve been ready to do so for a while, but just needed the push. This has led to a complete melt down, but I stayed firm, packed everything up, and moved in with my brother across town. I have already contact the landlord to tell him I would pay for 2 more months rent. After that, everything needs to be switched to her.”
“Talking to my lawyer, it was verified that, due to the process I went through after the birth to establish I wasnt the father, I would not have to pay child support or alimony, which is something very rare and uncommon anyway where I live. He’s already working on the paperwork. No idea when it’ll all happen, but once it does I’ll cut full contact.”
“My wife has tried to call and text multiple times, but I’ve refused to talk. I’ll post another update when I know more.”
The answers
This is a difficult one to solve. This is the first Reddit story we’ve reported that made the majority of the Reddit community remark ESH (Everyone Sucks Here), while others said NTA (Not the A**hole). Here are a few of the most popular responses:
ShmamBo88 wrote:
“ESH. Everything about this is pretty terrible. Her cheating. You purposefully distancing yourself from the child, who is not yours through no fault of his own, not to mention you being the only father figure he’s ever know. Dad’s don’t need to be blood. You all sound like a**holes. Except the little one obviously, who I just feel so sorry for. Sort your sh*t out for his sake.”
guiltypleasure39 said:
“You may want to check with an attorney. Regardless of whether or not he is your biological child, you HAVE been raising and supporting him. Even if you dont adopt him, he’s likely yours in the eyes of the court.”
“That said….NTA. You had an agreement, you supported her decision to keep the baby, you worked through her infidelity. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.”
IWatchBadTV commented:
“ESH This is a mess. You should not adopt a child you don’t want. He should have a parent or parents who are enthusiastic. But you also are putting them in a bad position by planning to be present while demonstrating what I can only call a wedge between you and your wife where the child witnesses it. But this is her fault as well. She entered an agreement that she might have assumed would be temporary. But she shouldn’t have. And no child should be foisted upon someone reluctant to commit to parenting them.”
